Aid Baby Sleep

1. Wilderness Sandbox ? Imbue your 1-year-old with a love of nature by giving the timeless gift of a plastic sandbox molded into the shape of a tree stump.

This sandbox could be improved with a gas motor. The motor wouldn’t do anything functional except consume gasoline and spew exhaust, but hey, as long as you’re making a plastic tree stump, might as well complete the political statement.

2. Race to the top Bouncer ? Parents love that their toddlers climb everything in sight, especially furniture. Now you can nurture that independent spirit with an inflatable rock-climbing tower.

Foot and handholds are color coded for three levels of difficulty. The 11-foot-tall tower is enclosed in netting and the unit is staked to the ground for safety. All this can be yours for a mere $500.

3. Electronic Sounds Pumper ? After you buy your 3-year-old a battery-powered Hummer H2 ride-on toy, complete the experience with a toy gas pump. The unit includes three weatherproof sound-making fuel buttons, a credit card swipe and a pretend gas nozzle.

If you have two kids, good news, the gas pump is rated for 1.5-year-olds, so you can train your youngest as a gas station attendant. Buy a 3-minute egg timer so that the kids know when to gas up the Hummer.

4. Classic Water Wave Slide ? This plastic slide for 2-year-olds has a built-in sprinkler that sprays water above the slide. It costs $100. For $30 less you could buy a normal slide and stand over your kids spraying them with your lead-free garden hose.

Let’s be honest. If your water slide is positioned over playground wood chips like in the product photo, you should probably just save $75 and buy a toddler pool.

I bet in the product photo, amid those recently planted seedlings, there are hiding a few giant tree stumps.